A MESSAGE FROM EARTH
YOUR SMILE......Your
beautiful smile....Is what engulfed me the very first day we
met. A damsel in distress, you were stranded in a land of
strangers, your horse would not budge. As your knight in shining
armor, I took you home in safety. A true fairy tale was to
unfold.
Your blue eyes, the sweet
sound of your feminine voice and your lovely accent enlighted
me, my heart, for you to have. I had long for this. One day I
was greeted by pretty little ones and so exotic they are. I
loved the way you were with the little doggies, your sweetness,
your warmth, the caring, their mommy, your kindness, your
unmatched beauty, I fell in love. We fell in love. The honey of
romance was so sweet to us...Your charm so rare, my flesh laid
bare, in arms we dare. I was touch by an angel. Even the little
ones worship the ground you walked on as they followed you
around like a long bridal gown. And one season later my
beautiful bride you were, soul mates we had become. It felt like
it was a fairy tale, but so real. All I ever wanted I had, I
need never wish again, you were heaven sent. You were mine to
be, the greatest gift ever, I was lucky indeed. A day in heaven,
never want to come back down.
Throughout time we
flourished together. I enjoyed seeing my lovely mermaid enjoying
the sun and the water in the company of the little ones. As my
best friend I confided in you. I really enjoyed the long times
we took to comfort each other through talks, through massages
and caresses. Life was indeed peachy. Everything was great.
But one day the clouds of
gray came overhead, a storm to hunt you down, a silent killer
had come upon you. And so became the long battle for your
survival.
The fear was in me, the
courage you had as you fought it head on. As your knight, your
protector I tried to help but I always felt it was never enough.
But the storm did pass and the sun came back out and we were
rejoiced once again. I enjoyed so much to be the clown and make
you laugh, even sometimes in a crowded place when you told me
"not now don't make laugh'" but I just had to and we burst into
laughter. It was fun and also a good therapy for the both of us
and to me to hear you laugh it was sweet music to my ears.
Throughout the years the battle was fought many times and while
in your battle you found the strength to help a lot of people,
you touch so many lives. All you had, you gave. You supported my
ideas and saved me from bad decisions. I am so ever grateful.
And we continued to grow closer as time went on to progress in
hope for a tomorrow. Riding over the waters, the beaches at our
disposition we rode the sunsets as we cherished another day
together.
But on a dreadful day, the
darkest cloud delivered its crushing blow. Even through skillful
hands, this time you could not be saved. So young, to young ,
our dreams unfulfilled , this unfairness I cannot understand.
Now in this sea of torment, this precious circle will be broken,
your life you will loose, the guilt runs through my veins. I
took you back home where it was your place to be to give the
best comfort and tenderness as this was a torture for the
defenseless and it killed me inside to see my dying wife
shrinking away into suffering. My poor little girl, things
should not happen this way. It is so wrong. As you became
thinner and thinner I could see your heart shinning through, you
had the courage of a thousand women I said to you several times,
cleaning your wounds, you and I, deep inside your belly, I
wanted to do everything for you. You had so much courage as you
tried to fight on your own two feet, to die standing if you
could, it was remarkable. We both knew you did not want to leave
us, the little ones, me, everything we had, everything we were.
But the day came that you were too weak to stand, I laid you
down closer, closer to me. Our arms entwined, we cried together
over this sad ending. I kiss your tears, my sweet one...and kiss
again, my love. You just had enough strength to softly whisper
in my ear " I....LOVE....YOU'. Those three famous words were to
be your last as it still gently ring in my ear to this day. I
wanted so much to take you by the hand and make it all go away.
But it was all to real, I wanted to protect you so much, in my
weak knees I was doomed to stand helpless and to watch it all
unfold before me, to see my little flower fading away. At the
same time, I felt very privileged to be there for you, my love, for
you gave the best nine years of my life. Exactly nine years, our
first kiss December first 1996 and our last December first 2005.
Thank you so much for those wonderful years. As you stared at
this cold death, your little body began to struggle with every
breath. Then I felt you going right through me. I took your
little cold hands and walked you through the cold dark tunnel to
heaven's gate and gently said "Go with the angels, they
will take you to a most wonderful place, be my guardian angel,
keep the gate unlock, in your paradise which God owes you , you
always will have warm beautiful sunny days, go with them my
love, spread your wings baby, you're free, you're free, you are
free..." In that instant you took your last breath and your
little heart stopped. As my tears, falling on your face, I kiss
my fallen angel for she will never to rise again. Overwhelmed
with grief I saw the end. The little ones in a distant room knew
what had happened as they howled to say their final goodbyes to
their mommy. Knowing the coming of this and trying to prepare
for it, I was never prepared enough to lose the love of my life.
I was crushed. People telling me the suffering was over that you
were in a better place, still I worried about you being alone
for a while in this unknown journey. In my state of shock I
began to crumble. Under the shadow on the moon, I walked through
the empty walls of our home feeling cold and frail, I called out
your name, then, I screamed out your name over and
over.... never to hear your voice again. Just a vast emptiness,
all I ever wanted, I had lost. I then began an unfortunate
journey, through a bleak sea of loneliness, I carved through the
waves of grief, in a vastness of self doubt, I never felt so
alone, I think I no longer matter. May I drown in a sea of
tears, die of a broken heart, let death devour my simple body
but my soul is yours to keep as we are soul mates forever and
beyond. I've had asked God "why did you make her suffer? Why..did..you..make..her..suffer and then take her life?" But to
no answer, only to turn away in haste.
Somehow you pushed me
forward and now many seasons had come to past and many miles
from where it all ended, "you" my beautiful angel when I see
your face, all the angels are shamed. When I see you, I see
purity, something I look but not to touch. I see the monster
inside you is no longer, you did beat it after all, you fought
it until the very end. I admire you so much, you have all the
power. As you watch over me you had shown me presence and helped
me through a war of grief and sadness. But it will never leave
me. I know you don't want anyone to be sad, but I was there and
someone has to stay behind to be the guardian of sadness, so let
it be me. If I let go the sadness I'm too afraid I'm letting go
of you. I feel this is the best only way to keep you alive in my
broken heart. As I am still haunted and cannot escape it, the
night of your death, somehow I live another day. When the gentle
breeze blows through our trees, I hear an angel sighing, I know
you are near. As a tear runs down my cheek, you are there trying
to catch it.
In our woods I had build
you a special garden like we talked about, you told me you knew
I was going to make it beautiful, I did my very best. Gentle
cascades flows into the lake. It is your final resting place
along with some little ones. In it you have all your favorite
fruit trees, different types of wind chimes, more flowing water,
many plants and flowers, our collections of statues and some new
ones of angels, mermaids and fairies, from humming birds to a
butterfly house so they can flap their wings of color upon your
garden. Inside it I seek refuge, with the soft music playing in
the background, I have quiet times where I think of you even
more. In the mind of me, I dream...Oh I wish again with you, oh
to be with you my beautiful, come to me , comfort me, take my
hand, in your arms, in your eyes, I will be forever yours. Lets
drag our toes through the sands of the beaches, lets swim over
the colorful reefs with the dolphins, lets race up to the white
clouds of the heavens with a warm wind through our long hair,
lets escape where no one will find. Show me your paradise with
all the little ones...To hold you close, close to me once
again.....I wish the dream to never end, but I know one day this
will be a reality. For now I have to care of some little ones
as I promised. This is why I was left behind, living for you,
through you, going through the revolving doors of life.
I will remain your husband
as you will remain my loving wife forever....Oh I love you so
much "ma petite minoune" . As I will pass on to you the
remainder of the little ones, one by one I will keep the warm
beautiful memories we all had. And the day will come for me to
complete the circle. There our souls will be reunited forever...
Until then my sweetheart as
with every night I am tucking you in like a little girl (you
always like that so much) and to tell you, I LOVE YOU ...I LOVE
YOU. A kiss on your soft lips, a kiss on your forehead, my
fingers through your gentle hair, I keep the night light on for
you....Goodnight baby...Goodnight. As I lay down to sleep I hope
to dream of you, your beautiful smile............YOUR
SMILE......
FOREVER
... YOUR
SOULMATE